Well I’m not sure where my mood has came from but I’m trying my best to level back out, so far today has been ok but I still feel shitty.
I was out late last night, I’m out late every night just now but I never got home till around 5:30am. I was at my eldest brothers house talking to him about my parents fully retiring from the family business. God knows how this will go in the long run, he has always had issues about not being the sole owner of the shop. I have my fingers crossed it works well even tho i am still plagued by negative thoughts about my own future.
The highlight of my life recently is Canada writing again and the other morning I woke to a big burst of positive emotion, she hasn’t forgot about me. I have updated a Skype pic, it’s nice to know the face of the person you are talking too after all. Perhaps I should have a drink to build up my courage and message you first?. That sounds scary tho lol.
So where am I just now, I would probably say more sad than happy, frustrated In every way possible. I want a hug, a real fucking hug from a friend or something. I think the next time I have a sexual encounter will be in a next life.
I think I mentioned sex before but not sure, this probably isn’t the place for such ramblings but wow I would shag the hole in a blanket just now I’m so frustrated 😷.
The work situation is stressing me out too, I hope it all gets finalised soon, I really wish I could turn the clock back 10 years and create a better scenario for just now. Perhaps I’m just being negative about it because it’s change, and I don’t like change.
My own personal business commitments are wearing me out too. I have to manage the family business every day and then every night j have to manage my own money making schemes. I suppose I’m just worried about everything as I haven’t seen any return yet but invested a shit load of my time into it.
I have also been thinking non stop about my beautiful superhero, I suppose if I’m going to be honest I hate the fact we communicate less and less. I have no routine to write now but feel I have to put the foot down and give myself the hour a day or night to get my emotions out and hopefully connect more with her. I really miss you my friend.
My ex is in a slightly better place now, I think this means she is back to her old tricks and hitting on everyone she has on her online profiles, even her friends exes 😔.
My son and daughter are slightly more normal and back Into a healthy routine. Everything affected them and I know that even my son will probably have this whole shitty time as some of his first memories in later life, this saddens me. How much of it is my fault?.
So to Canada, I hope you are well. I’m wishing you the best for the future now you have finished your art course, I know you will rock at whatever path you choose and try stop putting yourself under so much pressure. YOU ARE AWESOME 👍.
So a question to get the ball rolling again. If you could go to the bottom of the ocean or into space, where would you choose?.
i don’t think that is a very good question but its a question non the less lol.
Well it’s time for me to go and do my other work commitments and hopefully be back before 11pm, I want to watch a horror movie or something in bed and write.
Love from Scotland 👍✌️X