A Saucer Full Of Sadness

Well I feel sore and sick, last night I was vomiting bad because I took too many paracetamol and codeine tablets, my stomach is still tender and I’m sure the pancreatitis hasnt been liking the past year of abuse it’s received.

And about may, I have committed to something  that will earn me some money to hopefully give my ex for my kids. This would make a big difference to me as its the only real money I am able to make.

So Canada, your first wish is true already, you are a real superhero. You have changed my life and there has been more than a few mornings you have stopped me feeling broken and lonely and hurt all at the same time.

i can’t explain what I feels like when I read you would actually wish for your feet to bring you to me. I know you would listen with genuine ears and allow me to fall apart in our presence, I want to say arms but I’m unsure if that’s allowed.

I cry nearly every day, I hate myself for it, or not hate but a negative emotion. You say such nice things about me but all I see in myself is failure, I hope if I keep looking them back over I will see what you write about me as truthful attributes about myself.

I will draw you a picture. It won’t be much but it will be from the heart and directly to you. This is a task in life I will complete.

Well it’s 4:17am and I feel sick, sore and tired so I better try get some sleep or something  for work tomorrow.

love from Scotland 👍✌️x

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