So The Mouse Grows

So where am I, yesterday I ate a cheese and ham wrap for lunch and pasta stuff for dinner, work was good, saw my son and had great fun with him bouncing on his bed, saw friends and one of my brothers. Life has been going on and the world keeps turning.

I feel like a newborn, fragile and dependant on people. Unable to survive without the help of others but I’m getting there again after the brake up and stroke. Luckily there are no lasting side effects from the stroke so nobody would know now that I ever had one, unfortunately the brake up has left much more visible scars but they are fading too, the future there is still uncertain. All the old plans and strategies are unravelling before my eyes as I frantically run around trying to put them back in place, I’m dealing with it tho. One lapse I regret so that’s ok, i regret doing it and that’s the important thing.

So I am sitting at 10am, things done and tasks completed, I will make a mass gain drink and have a good start to the day.

I read about tinyhiccups field beside her house, it made me think of the old woods where I played as a kid. It was a huge mound of grass called witchwood, there were big trees scattered all over the mound and we used to build fires and rope swings there. We would go there at night and look for the foxes eyes with torches. There were ruins of a old house there and a small metal shed that scared us as a kid, we used to think they killed the cows there for some reason and none of us would really want to go inside it. All gone now and replaced with houses.

There was another woodland area with a path through it, right in the middle it opened up to a huge clearing with a hill. The path split here and turned to stairs going up the steep of the hill or you could follow the path to the left where the slope wasn’t as steep. We used to go round the local building sites and steal there wood to make half pipes for skateboarding. Huge groups of us used to hang around there, skate and get stoned with the tunes blasting from someone’s old school ghettoblaster stereo thing, the thought of this makes me feel bloody old lol. I had so much fun there, one of my big brothers and his friends even used to hang around there, it was always them that would build the ramps with us. That made me feel safe when my brother and his friends were around because there were always people from other areas would come to fight.

I still get a strange sense of comfort with my brothers around me, like my skill and desirability are amplified by there presence. I really feel like a tiny little mouse, surrounded by huge Giants, but I’m growing.

Love from Scotland 👍✌️x


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