Transient Depths

Well at 02:10am I am in bed, I am tired but know I won’t sleep, I don’t want to because I know I’m going to have crappy dreams again and have to wake up in a soaking bed.

I have had a pretty bad day, I woke up bed soaking and, well to be honest feeling kind of scared when I woke up is a understatement. I had a breakdown because I accidentally unfollowed someone and couldnt figure out what had happened.

Didn’t make work till after 1pm, to put this into context I should have been there at 9.30am to sort te change for the till and lunches. Felt awkward and anxious all day when I got there. Wasn’t happy with the quality of any work I did do, I run a family barber shop, or supposed to run but not really been doing so well at that since the brake up and then going into hospital meant more time off too. Anyway just another thing I’m failing at in life.

Finished work and went home, fuck k was supposed to take my ex food shopping so she could stock up, she isn’t very happy I didn’t arrive on time to take her, it will have to wait till tomorrow. I fall back to old habits, I dont feel comfortable saying it but it’s true. I have no idea if it’s going to be something I continue to do again. It just felt right to do, and having the sharps there with all those plasters and stuff for cuts. And then the doorbell went and I couldn’t answer it, I just felt like it was a sign to open my door and let my demons in, I had only just wrote it 2 mins before it happened. I choose my upper leg because it’s so much easier to hide, nobody will ever have to worry about it if I hide it well.

I feel crap for writing this but I might as well be honest about my day and not live in a dream anymore. Love from Scotland 👍✌️x

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