Roll With It

I’m trying desperately to find a positive and make it grow, multiply. Nourish it and let it envelop me. Then go with the flow, enjoy the ride or even just roll with it. What the fuck does this mean, suppose I’m feeling sad, which kind of makes me feel happy.
This is already one confusing entry, must show my frame of mind. Or perhaps it’s the consequences of lack of food starting to catch up with me. Still not started my mass gain drinks again. I’m losing bulk now, my stomach is nearly always empty and today I haven’t ate anything, just cups of coffee. I want to be buff, attractive and desirable, instead I feel scrawny, gaunt and ugly. I managed to hit over 130lbs after I got out the hospital last year, proper muscle definition the average guy would dream for, ripped abs the lot.

All I ever seen was some skinny joke looking back at me in the mirror tho, pictures were the only thing I looked at and thought “wow do I look like that”, I can still look at my weight gain reference pics in disbelieve it’s me. I really should eat but just typing it makes me feel sick so new subject.

Something positive, what tho?. I’m reading back my post and there’s obviously a lot to do with food and my issues with feeling insecure in myself. Well everyone’s got issues so no big thing there.

I’ve been trying to figure out where about in Canada has a island wth a bridge and gets lots of snow, being in the UK and having the bare minimum knowledge of Canada means I’m stumped, thousand islands bridge? I don’t know, tried googling and managed to confuse myself hahaha. I’ll keep trying but doubt I’ll be the one with the correct answer on that question lol.

I know what I’m doing now, why I’m sitting here trying to follow a friends advice of finding the positive and being the guy who paints that graffiti dick on the wall (this is actually a good thing believe it or not lol), I’m supposed to be going to drop something off at my ex. Oh well I always say the good times don’t last long lol. All I can say is thank fuck being sad makes me happy.

Thanks to everyone and love from Scotland 👍✌️x

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