It’s only 11:05pm, way too early for me. Done the washing and caught up with all the daily crap, really should shave but the nerve damage to my lower face has been annoying me for a couple months now and it hurts like hell when i shave, it constantly feels like I’ve burned my lower lip and chin. I’ve ate today, a small fry up, finished the lot and feel kind of bad for it now.
I feel bored, fed up, irritable. I’ve not exercised tonight perhaps that’s why?. I’ve received thanks for giving kind words, it made me feel happy, really happy. The good feelings never last long tho. I want to watch 80s anime and think of people far away, imagine what life would be like in another country, 10 years younger, 20 years younger. I want to drift away, weightless, calm, high up in the clouds. I want to be warm, not hot but warm and safe, I used to get that feeling in a bath.
I could sit in the bath for hours when i was younger, with my TMNT figures or WWF figures, some of my most prominent and happy memories are playing in the bath with my figures, I loved it sooo much more than just playing with them elsewhere. I could use the ledges of the tub and make caves in the mountains of bubbles. And I would bring my cars in too and make scenarios where the figures would need to drive from one place to another round the tub. Figures and cars, at least 90% of my toys growing up were figures or cars, wrestling and cartoons on the tv. The 80s rocked lol. What would I do on saturday mornings in the 80s, wake up around 8am, couldn’t do that for school but not a problem for cartoons lol. Things like Bravestar, The Go Bots 😱, Transformers, Thundercats, wow it was amazing, loved it then and love it now lol. Then out on my bmx or skateboard, meet a friend, play for a while, go through the small woods on the bikes, round to the shops and play the arcade machine, splatter house, another amazing memory 😊. Then it’s dinner time, skip it usually, play with my food then in the bin when no ones looking. Then it’s computer time, Spectrum ZX, cassette games and loading took minutes, Rambo, amazing. Then the Atari ST, floppy disk and near instant loading times, I remember a car game called top gear I think, and bomber jack, wow I can’t believe I remembered that lol. Then it’s bed time, video in bed, bed knobs and broomsticks or Walt Disney anime Robin Hood sticks in my mind. Then moved house again around 88-89, I got a NES for my Xmas with TMNT, one of my favourite Christmases. I’m a bit older but the routines the same, up early for cartoons, TMNT usually and Simpsons later on along with Gamesmaster. Play with my food then bin it when no one is looking and video in bed.
By this point we are going to enter 1990 and the good old 90s, they were awesome too as a kid, lots of great memories and lots of sad ones as well.
I will finish here, it’s 12:40am now and feel I’ve got myself settled enough to contemplate getting ready for bed and try watch somethin to drift off with, I’ll finish by saying I was depressed as a child and tried suicide before I was 10 so why would I want to go back and live it all out again but can’t bare to live another day in the future, all I can think is ignorance is bliss, I never new there was supposed to be some other way I was meant to be feeling, I never new I was different, I don’t know if I thought every one else thought the same and felt the same as me or if I just never thought there was anything to think about because I’ll say it again, ignorance is bliss lol. Thanks again to any one that has ever spoke to me and took a interest in my sad existence, love from Scotland