Its after midnight and just like most other nights my brains tormenting me, not too bad, but drifting to things I’d rather it wouldn’t lol.
you see I’ve shared the same bed with what I suppose is kind of my childhood sweetheart (spent nearly half our life’s together). She’s gone now and I’m stuck with the same bed we shared for years, a DOUBLE bed obviously.
So you see this leaves me with the dilemma of just where do I sleep in it. When I was with my ex she always had the same side, her side. I’ve tried sleeping over there and it doesn’t feel right. I know I’ll sleep on my side for some time yet and cuddle the pillow on her side wishing it was her, but I’m trying to use more of the bed before i actually go to sleep.
So back to the question of where do you sleep in a double bed, does it have to be a side, is it even possible to sleep in the middle of a double bed or does it have to be a side?. Will I always feel like it’s her side?. Should I burn the bed in some ritualistic manner outside in the hope it helps me move on from that part of my life I’m finding soooo hard to let go of?.
If I burned the bed (or mabey just got rid of lol) and then had to go bed shopping ALONE for a new double bed that I’m probably going to sleep ALONE in for the rest of my pathetic life, would that be the final push that makes my brain go this is it boy, the final hooray.
Well after writing this I still don’t know what to do about this bed or where and how to sleep on it, but I think I’ve just found out it frightens me. Having the bed frightens me as much as not having the bed. Sleeping in the bed frightens me as much as not sleeping in the bed. I suppose I will always feel this way, mixed up, love and hate, want and regret, and ultimately love, all the same things I feel about the person who bought it with me 😔.